Sled Dog Skippy

Friday Short Letters

Dear Federal Government,

While you suck for many, many reasons, I’ll just talk to you about one: why didn’t you hire me? WTF? How could you just overlook me? How could you lead me on, make me wait, tell me I was good, and then not even give me a chance? Jeeze. If we were on Jerry Springer together, the audience would say to me: “Leave the zero! Go for the hero!” But who is the hero? Is it my own pet-sitting business? I think yes. You suck. Leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you. For a while.

Dear Federal Government,

Thanks for being cool enough that I can say you suck and not get beat up or killed by you. That part is good. You’re kind of mellow that way.

Dear High Holidays,

You are awesome. I only wish I had some peeps to celebrate your awesomeness with! (yes, I can end my damn letter in a preposition. it’s my letter. and I can refuse to capitalize letters if I want and write run-on sentences and keep this up forever and ever….)

Dear Sarah B,

You are awesome. You are like a good-luck magnet. Thanks for speakin’ my language.

Dear Boopy Cat,

While you have terrible intestinal issues I still like you. And I’m glad that you didn’t get squished by a car or eaten by a bear while I was pet-sitting you. Please come out from under the porch more often so that I know you are alive. You are very cute. Just please don’t poop on me.

Dear Friends and Readers,

If you were to start a pet-sitting business in Homer, Alaska, (*ahem*) what would you call it? I like Skippy Sits and K-Bay Canines. Tell me what you think in the comments, as well as your own ideas!

One Response to “Friday Short Letters”

  1. MK says:

    Dear Skippy (the Great!),

    Just some thoughts:
    1) The Fed Gov’t sux monkey bits for not hiring you, you would have rocked their world.
    2) Thank you to our gov’t for allowing us to discuss how much they suck, even shout it at the top of our lungs in front of the White House should we choose to do so (or to shout about how much other governments suck!). This is a right that I choose to practice regularly…
    3) Skippy Sits is catchy, and I will have to get back to you with any further suggestions I may have…
    4) Hooray for Ryan and Skippy’s arrival in the lower 48 coming soon!!!!!!

    Love you tons,

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