Sled Dog Skippy

Labor Day Short Letters

Dear Sronex,

My relationship with you is over. Forever. I never want to see you or your relatives again. I tried to make it work with you for a week, but you are toxic.

Dear Lady Bits,

Okay, we’re gonna have to try something else.

Dear Friends,

Thank you for taking care of me during my break-up with Sronex.

Dear Ryan,

Thank you for holding me upright. All the time. Not just literally.

Dear Ashlee Dog,

WHY FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY do you have to eat dead rotten fish on the beach? It is not lady-like.

Dear Body,

You are an amazing vessel. I’m not really sure why I put Sronex in you when I KNEW I was going to have a bad reaction. Oh wait, I know why. It’s because I don’t have health care and I am reliant on the low-cost or free clinics in the area that utilize a low-cost option for me (which I appreciate the low cost). Rather than have tests done to figure what the hell is actually wrong with you, I instead have to subject you to a missive of side-effects, because financially, diagnosis IS NOT AN OPTION for the uninsured in America. I apologize for the brief and hellish nightmare of prescription drugs you were put through. Not happening again. I’m here to protect you.

Dear Raspberry Bushes,

Have I told you lately that I love you?

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