Sled Dog Skippy

A thief, I am

I haven’t been able to think of any amazing content for posts. So I will steal another blogger’s cool idea. This is from Taza of Rockstar Diaries. She has a really romantic and interesting blog. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE her fashion style. Le Sigh. Homer needs a breath of fashion up here. BADLY. Sometimes, it’s really liberating to be able to drive to town in a shitty beat-up truck with no back window and climb out of the truck wearing mud-splattered Carhartt pants, a fleece covered in dog hair and have dirty hair AND not be wearing make-up. It’s really nice–no feelings of competition or inadequacy I would sometimes feel around a bunch of overly-tanned, overly-blonde skinny 19 year-olds with expensive purses and short skirts. It can be a good thing to live in Homer, a fishing town with relaxed fashion attitudes. HOWEVER, it would be nice to be able to look at and TOUCH clothes that are NOT meant for mountain climbing, cutting wood, or de-scaling fish. Just sayin.’

On with the theivery! Taza does a feature called “Little Letters.” Hers are hilarious. Here is my attempt.

Dear Residents of Homer,
Please know that it is okay to shave, wear make-up, and dress nicely. No one is asking you to wear a Prada dress and buy Givenchy shoes.

Dear Lady Bits,
WTF?! Seriously. Knock it off, whatever the hell is wrong with you. Jeeze.

Dear Kombucha Tea,
I have a really big crush on you. You make me feel AWESOME. However, we’re going to have to spend less time together because you are an expensive date and I think you are making my body go crazy.

Dear Baby Moose,
I’m sorry Ashlee Dog attacked you this morning. She has been thinking about that for the past 7 years of her life, waiting. I’m sorry she made you squeal and run when she grabbed you. I’m so glad you got away and didn’t hurt her, even though you were almost as tall as my truck.

Dear Hangover,
Let’s not meet again, okay? Especially not at 8:30 AM on my day off, when Ashlee is attacking a baby moose.

Dear Stoli Vodka,
Did you read the above letter? You are a big part of that. I don’t want to see you again for a long, long time.

Dear Jacques Cat,
WHY FOR LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY do you have to scratch the wooden trim in our rental house? Please stop. I’m tired of hissing at you and shooting you with the water pistol.

Dear Everyone at Home,
I miss you. A lot. I’m trying to fix that but I am poor. Please be patient with me.

Dear Skippeh Snacks,
I don’t know about you. I thought I wanted to marry you after the first date, but I think I need more time. I need to get to know you. It’s not you, it’s me.

Dear Cousteau Cat,
PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY stop eating the beautiful and expensive roses I bought for our anniversary. You are such. A. BITCH. I am proud yet horrified that you left that eviscerated mouse by the toilet for me. Thanks.

Dear Ashlee Dog,
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for listening to Ryan this morning when he yelled at you to come back and stop attacking the baby moose. You are such a good dog! Please stop shedding now.

Dear Santa Fe, New Mexico,
I like you. I hope.

Dear Culinary School,
I like the idea of you. Do you like me back? Circle yes or no.

Dear Ryan,
I love you. Here’s to us remembering our anniversary next year. Cheers!

One Response to “A thief, I am”

  1. MK says:

    Oh my gawd, AWDRY, you make me smile. Cutest gal ever!

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