Sled Dog Skippy

Melt out…Melt down

So, there is a thing in Alaska called the “melt out” or “break up.”  As you can probably guess, this is when the ice and snow begins to flee and the frozen rivers and lakes break up. I prefer melt out; I think that sounds cooler. Anyway, I wish I was cooler a few days ago. 

Last Thursday I went to town to have my truck lights fixed (finally, right when the sun is never setting and I don’t even need freaking lights). I waited two hours and read a book in the shop.  When my truck was finished,  I ran some other errands and was at the grocery store when my truck wouldn’t start. I couldn’t get ahold of my boss, I couldn’t get ahold of some friends in town, I felt very stuck and VERY frustrated. I had had it up to Aretha’s giant windshield with bad luck with this #$%*&ing truck. I called the repair shop; they were still open. They gave me a number for a tow truck and I had the truck towed a half mile to the shop. $83 dollars for the tow and a loose battery cable fixed later, I was back in business, and had even found another handler to rescue me, had the truck not gotten fixed before the shop closed.  

Oh, the melt down part….I called my husband and cried my eyes out. I wanted to come home. I said this move was the stupidest thing I have ever done. I was tired and pissed and in that moment, I hated this place. And then the tow truck guy came and I didn’t want to look pathetic, so I immediately pulled myself together and then I was fine.

I realized in that feeble five minutes of pathetic bawling that 2 weeks and months of previous anxiety were coming out of me. It was very hard to be in denial the past two weeks and never cry, never say to myself that this is hard. I suppose this whole thing is hard. But when you work for the first woman who won the Iditarod, a person who lives alone with 40 dogs and who also lived alone in a Native village in northern Alaska for 6 years, well, crying about being homesick or crying about a stupid truck or crying about having to learn new things that are hard when your boss doesn’t always explain them seemed like a bad idea.  But the boss proved that she is human and when I explained how frustrated I got, that I flipped out in my truck cab, she just said, “Well, yeah. You just moved here by yourself and are under a lot of stress. That’s a pretty big deal. I freak out when I am away from my home for 4 days.”  

Sorry to say that I am not a badass.  I wish that I could be, that I could say that I am so awesome, or feel awesome, and that none of this bothers me. But to do so would also mean that I lack emotion and that being away from familiar things is easy. So maybe I am a badass 99.9% of the time, human 100% of the time.  

Then my husband bought  a plane ticket to come see me in 5 weeks. Life is good.  

One Response to “Melt out…Melt down”

  1. Justin says:

    I’m glad you’re not a robot. :-P

    And you’re still a badass in my book.

    btw, if you ever feel like some warmer air… you guys could come visit me again… ;-) - hopefully I’ll get to visit you guys sometime, maybe?

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